Meatstravaganza

Oh, man, was it worth it!

On Tuesday, my friends and I celebrated my birthday at PAMPA Brazilian Steakhouse. It was one of the best birthday celebrations I've ever had, full of food, friendship, and tons of fun. 16 people, loved ones all, chose to spend upwards of $50 on a continuous cavalcade of carnivorous caloric consumption, and survive to tell the tale ($45 price fixe). This is their story.

You know the two gas stations on 109 street south of Jasper Avenue? There's a Petro-Canada and another, smaller station that always looks the sadder, lonelier, dimmer of the two. Well, right across the street from the sadder, though just as brightly lit, gas station sits PAMPA. It's only been open for a month or so, so they're still working out all the little details of their service, but if my experience is anything to go by, they're going to be extremely popular.

The interior of the restaurant is brightly lit, but instead of the fancy trappings and intimacy of an upscale dining establishment, there is a huge, bare-floored space that appears sparsely tabled. On the near side is a bar with a half-dozen seats. I suppose it's for those waiting for tables or to take a break between meats, because PAMPA is certainly not a bar. No, it is there for one reason and one reason only: meat.

In the centre of the room is a smooth, sleek buffet island populated by salads of all kinds. Homemade breads, lettuce salads, bean salads, pasta salads, pickled vegetables like cauliflower and beets, cous cous, quinoa, even deviled eggs, cold cuts, and various cheeses! My favourite was the tomato and mozzarella... or the little bocconcinis. Yeah, I'm a mild cheese kinda guy. But this salad bar is merely the warm-up, the coming attractions leading up to the feature presentation. Delicious as it all was, it could not and would not compete with the meat.

Our server, Roma, was friendly, very pretty, and well suited to serving a table full of theatre types. Dr. Teeth and Scotty Bomb knew her from Twitter, and told me I just had to request her to be our server. It was a good choice. They also told her to expect us, and it looked like she had a lot of fun serving us too. So if and when you go, ask for Roma. You won't regret it.

Once everyone was settled with their salads and drinks/beverages, the meat parade began. In front of each person was a two-sided token with a red side and a green side. This token is used to indicate to the meat procession that you wish some of their wares, kind of like dim sum. Each black-clad server walked around with a different cut of meat on a skewer, and each diner could select as much or as little as they wanted, and it would be cut from the server's skewer right onto the diner's plate. Sometimes, it was necessary to use the tongs supplied to each diner to grip the meat while it was being cut. Talk about a fun eating experience!

I'll see if I can remember everything that came out that night:

• pork loin - this was the favourite of some of the party, but the piece I got was a little dry and overcooked. It was a good starter meat for me, though.
• top sirloin - one of my favourites. Great sear and excellent marbling. Maybe a little overzealous on the dry rub, but super tender and tasty!
• bottom sirloin - another great cut, but not nearly as tasty as the top, in my opinion
• chicken hearts - come on, chicken hearts! How can you not want some?
• lamb roast - very nice. I think this one won Meatstravaganza for Dr. Teeth
• beef rib - another of my favourites. Giant ribs, almost as long as my arm, stacked on a cart like firewood. The server spent a lot of time removing--nay, harvesting--the meat from the bone before gracing each diner's plate with a pile of rib meat.
• barbecued chicken - this one I didn't try, because there was a better chicken dish
• bacon-wrapped chicken thigh - so juicy and bacon-y! If this one had come around again, I think I would have had another one, but by the time it came around the second time, we were already super full.
• pork sausage - self-explanatory, this was wrapped in a coil before being skewered. Great presentation!

I think that was all of it. There was a LOT of meat going around. They even supplied side dishes during the meal. Cinnamon-crusted banana, deep fried plantain, a salty, crispy polenta, and bread. It's a good thing the sides came out by table rather than by diner, because I doubt I would have been able to finish a whole side dish by myself.

If there was any criticism to be leveled at PAMPA, I would say that it was in the dessert selection. Everything, save maybe for the chocolate mousse (which they didn't have that night), had some sot of alcohol or liqueur in it. I don't mind it for the flavour, but as a teetotaler, it made the desserts slightly less appetizing. But don't get me wrong, the desserts all sounded delicious and creative up until the description of what liqueur it contained. I chose the passion fruit mousse, which was all right, but I think I would have preferred the chocolate mousse. Elimination Chambers selected another fruity dessert without the cassis, which made it look a little monochromatic.

The important thing was that everyone was satisfied, happy, and had a great time, and in that, PAMPA delivered in spades. Great service, great food, great atmosphere, great people... well, except for that one guy from a neighbouring table who, near the end of the evening, decided to show his concern for Dr. Teeth telling one of our female friends jokingly to "shut up." I'm not entirely sure what that was all about, but the guy didn't stay long. It was just weird that he would choose to interfere in someone else's frivolity and assume there was something inappropriate going on.

I can't recommend this restaurant enough. I've told my family and my friends, and it looks like there might be another PAMPA outing this summer. I can't wait!.